Male Pattern Balderdash

Why it’s important to recognize the problems with patriarchy.

I didn’t notice this phenomenon all my life until fairly recently, maybe the last few years. And it has become clearer and I can now explain it simpler. Having lived with my three brothers in my early life and then with two men in two intimate relationships in my adult life and then with two or three men in a housemate relationship, I can see it much clearer and also notice the pattern.

Men cannot accept criticism of any kind or in any way. They want accolades only. Try even asking a man nicely to change a habit that bothers you and it turns into world war three. Even the slightest hint of criticism brings on the wrath of the furies.

When I use the term men, I know it doesn’t include all men, but it almost does. Nothing is absolute however if I say some men, you can be sure that every man I say it to will think I’m talking about someone else. I say men because it is pretty universal. Let’s just say at present I can only think of three men that I know who don’t fit this pattern. For the men who are different to what I describe, I salute you. I hope all your dreams come true – you deserve great fortune. For you are the ones who give us women hope.

Many women have lost all hope and it’s understandable. The way men respond to women is infantile and insulting. There was one man, a writer, who wrote pretty much like myself whom I stumbled upon and who gave me great hope that he was one who was different. He wrote wonderfully and explained things in great detail and depth while keeping the reader always captivated and interested. In my heart I did think “don’t get too carried away” because I have felt thrilled to meet men many times and they have proven to be just the same old/same old once you got beyond skin deep. That can be very disappointing although these days I’m too jaded to be disappointed. I guess that’s what accumulated disappointment amounts to.

It’s nobody’s “fault” but we need to be aware of the dynamics that keep being repeated. So this writer, this man, became part of our talk group and he was always interesting and hard-hitting. I liked that about him, I don’t care for wishy-washiness but it depends too as people have different combinations of characteristics that play off of each other and can make a nice blend. What I liked about him the most was the rejection of anything to do with “law”. He felt just like me about it and that’s pretty rare to find. I despise the whole concept of law and now here was another. So it elated me to find this kindred soul.

Then in one of our group talks he sided with another man and became quite belligerent about it to boot. To give a quick overview of the dispute, another man in our group accused me of bullying him. He said that because he was cornered by my questioning, which he had no good answer for. And this is the pattern I want to write about today.

I like things to make sense and when they don’t I will keep questioning or commenting. For a woman that is the worse thing you could do. A man could rape his own sister and he’d be spoken to better than men speak to women who carry a case to the ultimate degree. This man accused me of bullying him because he felt bullied by logic since he didn’t make sense in his case. But that doesn’t mean I was actually bullying him.

All our conversations were in text. I say there is no such thing as bullying in text. It’s not like there is someone over you who is stronger and more aggressive and can sock you in the face if you rile them. No. Online there is no bullying because it is just words on the screen. You can always choose to ignore them. Or you can choose to answer them. But to accuse someone of bullying in text only shows you’re a wimp for one thing, and totally out of order to accuse another person of ill intent. Even if one does have ill intent, it’s only words on a screen for crying out loud.

So the man who writes well decided to come into the fray. This is also a part of the programming I call The Brotherhood. In any dispute between a woman and a man, another man (or another woman) will almost always take the side of the man. Try it and see. Usually the woman backs down but if she doesn’t back down such as I don’t back down, really, this is worse than the most heinous crime and men will make you pay for it.

It was so bad that it ended up that the two of them bullied me relentlessly, if indeed bullying were a thing on the internet. I live with men and this happens with them too. But they do something more than just bully you into submission – they turn it around and make you pay as though you did something so heinous, so deplorable, that you don’t even deserve to be recognized. Some men think you deserve a punch in the face. For what? Upsetting them? Yet they completely ignore the upset they caused you which you went to speak to them about in the first place. Do they deserve a punch in the face?

And this is how such little things get blown way out of proportion. Then you don’t want to be candid with these men and you feel their pressure to keep you silent, to keep you from expressing yourself because they are all bottled up and they don’t like to see a woman be free, it puts them to shame. And they get nasty when they feel like that.

I can’t imagine the countless women who endure this kind of tyranny. I speak to very intelligent women and they say we must keep low because you know, a man can only take so much, you have to understand that.

Well no I don’t understand that. What about us, do they think we have to carry it all? Do they think we don’t have our own worries to bear? That they can just do what they like and ignore their infractions and we just have to “suck it up” to save their equilibrium?

The only way I stopped the incessant barrage of defamation was to say to them “I wonder if you’d be proud for this to be aired on the internet to show others how tight your case is”. And then their dialogue slowed down and even stopped soon after. The thought of the conversation going public put fear into their hearts. Never to be heard from again.

This is the beauty of free speech on the internet and especially for women but even for men when they are accused of infraction. An open internet makes everyone behave a lot better than they do in private conversations because they don’t want people to hear their intimidation upon others. Tyrants prefer privacy so they can hoe into you without sullying their image. They are not too keen on showing themselves or their abuse should the conversation go public. And this dynamic really appeals to me about freedom of speech because it makes tyrants watch themselves and allows genuine people to speak their mind.

After this incident, when I wrote on this man’s posts he never acknowledged me. Now he has banned me entirely and removed my posts which I had made when I admired his work. All his talk about fairness seems hollow when he cannot demonstrate it in real life, but only lambaste about it in his writing. The consistent silence after we had so much interaction, is that pattern again that obliterates the person rather than speak and show the world you stand by what you say.

To all men and women who are doing their best to practice sovereignty, I tip my hat to you.